Reason

I have been struggling for a few weeks with my blog and my writings. I just kept asking myself the question: why? Or better said, I kept asking God the question: why? What greater goal is there in my writing? Is there any use in you Lord? Because if there isn’t any, I really don’t want to continue.

My prayer is that my life and my efforts will be in direct relation with Jesus, just as He lived in direct relation with His father, as it is written in John 5:19:  I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.

There is so much hunger inside of me to study the word of God and to find Wisdom and understanding. But I don’t want any of these things to be and function outside of my relation with Jesus, for what use would there be in them. I mean, the bible is full of people who did not had big trainings, bible studies and things like that, but still brought forth the kingdom of God in big proportion. Why? All because of their relation with God, who is and gives all knowledge and wisdom. They had a open and willing heart, they searched to hear and where obedient to the voice. What more is there in life than this? And, knowing that there is a long way in front of me, this is my longing, to live in this way, just as Jesus lived with His Father, not being able or willing to do anything rather than what I see or hear Him doing.

So, to bring this back to my writing. I remember myself as being someone that always had a answer, always wanted to say something back. Becoming a lover of Christ this was one of the first things Jesus helped me deal with. But still pride is always something I have to watch my back for. And I don’t want my blog to be a place where I can show the things I know. The blog started out of my longing to let flow some of the things I fill myself up with, to  speak the things that are in my mind and to share that what God is telling and teaching me. But my deepest longing is to bring the things I know and all that I gather back to Him who gives meaning to them, so that one day, on His time and for His purpose they can be used.

Keeping the blogging thing low for a while and reflecting on these thoughts, Jesus life went through my mind, and this verse came up: And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 2:52.

People almost always focus only on three years of the life of Jesus, forgetting or neglecting that He was thirty years out of the picture, increasing in wisdom and stature in the sight of men and that of God. I wondered how many times Jesus most have struggled in Himself with the fact that He knew and was the answer to all the pain and suffering around Him, all the sicknesses, curses and fights, but did not react because He waited on His father’s timing. I mean, what a commitment and loyalty!

Thinking about this helped me to find peace with my blog and my writing, and I pray that God will give me the grace to grow and increase in wisdom and stature until the time He wants to use me and all I have gained. So until that time I just keep on searching, reading and writing, praying that God will keep pride form my sight, so that all my longings to share and to teach may die, and one day be raised by Him to bring forth according to His grace.